Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Hang On Kids the Ride Will Finally Begin

I am going to be upfront and just put it out there…for those who may not know me…that I have a few…okay maybe a bit more than a few..pet peeves….most of which has to do with people’s ignorance. So, all who aren’t smart enough to stop reading will now get to enjoy a rant about one of these above mentioned pet peeves. Actually this will be a list, if you will, of connected such irritants that make me want to smack the poor dumb ass that should know better.

First thing I want to address is the stomach churning term “rat rod.” To here this spew out of a person’s mouth makes me want to stomp on baby bunnies…really people it has crossed my mind. It seems anything with flat black paint, or no paint, and red and cream stripes is part of this “kick ass” trend…***excuse me while I empty my chuck bucket**... that is taking over trailer parks and welfare lines everywhere. Just because you watched of Rides, Overhaulin, and American Hot Rod as regularly as my old Pentecostal grandma tuned in to Pat Robertson and Billy Graham, you are not an authority on cars nor do you posses the true passion and have the fuel of that running through you warm blue veins. You wouldn’t know a traditional road terror if it drove over your OCC tee wearing ass. To come up to a true gearhead and say, “Dude that is a sick rat rod,” does not make them feel proud but only show how you should be escorted away from the car before you stupidity tarnishes it’s copper dash.

Hey you scenester, buying a 50’s car throwing primer on it…or even better DP-90 doesn’t make you cool or a “car” guy. What is does successfully accomplish is showing what a true “got to be cool” duechebag you really are. You are the guy that will stand in line for 3 hours to get Chip Foose’s autograph and in the same day walk by Gene Winfield and wonder who the hell he is….hey dumb ass if it weren’t for Gene and his peers Chip Foose would be working at Napa…you’re right I said it…and any one offended can go buy there TLC fashion tees and use them as suppositories. Any asshole can spend three grand on a car and shop at the Dickies store…but true heart comes from within not a wallet. If you are 50 and have only gone to the swap meet a handful of times…don’t fuckin’ tell me what to do to my car…don’t argue with me on what year it is…I know I have a vagina but that doesn’t make me a moron and guess what buddy yours is bigger!!!

And before I go please realize…as hard as it is for you to do…that tri-five Chevy’s and snorevettes are not the bees knees…in fact they are like assholes…and surprisingly enough most of the time assholes tend to drive them.

I know I promised a good rant but it was a long day…I need clean clothes…and the teen gurl is buggin’ to check her FB. Until next time……


  1. Ha Ha! Love it!! You tell em' woman! I hate it when guys look at you like you don't know what the HELL your talking about or they look at you in amazement! Dumbasses!

  2. Ok aside from the whole - "I am woman hear me rap pipes" thing, SERIOUSLY NICE POST!
    In fact, sufficiently efficacious to make me follow you. Nicely done.
    Although we have yet to meet (a situation Ill quickly remedy) I am more and more impressed with you every day.